He Was A Do-oo-og Tripper, Dog Tripper, Yeah!

JK and I are in a tiny house in Montana that makes them very happy. I like it here, but it’s not as familiar to me as our house in North Carolina.  But as long as JK are with me, I know that’s where I’m supposed to be.   I miss Buzz. He stayed behind, with Macy.

 J loaded all Buzz’s stuff into the car  last Thursday and put him back there with it.  K told me I had to stay in the house.  I knew it was a mistake, they just didn’t realize I was supposed to go along! When JK weren’t looking, I raced out and jumped into Buzz’s bed with him! It was a little crowded. Where was my spot?  Why did Buzz get to go and not me?

Well, J came back pretty quick, without Buzz. He’s all settled in, J told K. He’s going to live the life of Riley in that house.  Riley?   I smelled Macy.  No Riley. That puzzled me, but all the activity was very distracting, and I noticed they were getting out my travel stuff!  Beds and bowls and blankets and balls.  And my new Frisbee! The vile rolling bags went in.  So did boxes, and clothes on hangers, and Mr. Bill and a couple other babies.  JK kept consulting lists, going up and down stairs, making piles.  Fishing trip, they would say.  Cabin. Wedding. I had a terrible time keeping track. They just would not be herded. It was very confusing and exciting at the same time.

Early Friday morning, we were on our way.    I had a wide section of the back seat, covered with blankets and very comfy.  JK sat up front. 

That first day was a long one, but pretty fun.  I spent a lot of time looking out the front window.  I would have jumped into the passenger seat with whoever was sitting there if I would have been invited, but for some reason they are picky about that.  I had to stay in back.  We just left North Carolina, Maxie, J would say, or Welcome to Tennessee…Kentucky…Illinois…we drove and drove.  K found a tiny martian on the ground when we stopped for lunch in Tennessee.  J put it on the dashboard under the GPS,  and it pointed the way the entire trip.

Finally, about dinnertime, we stopped in O’Fallon, Illinois.  K threw the Frisbee for me while J checked us into our very pet-friendly hotel.  I rode an elevator for the first time. By the time I came in, I was so hot from running after the Frisbee that J put me in the shower stall and hosed me off for about ten minutes. OH, it felt SO good.  I just stood there and let her run that cool water over me! When she dried me off, I felt much better. I stayed in the hotel room alone and just napped while JK ate dinner. They were very happy with me.  It’s nice not to have to buy a new mattress for the Drury Inn, J said. Like I would chew anything up. Like I ever have!

Saturday was more driving.  Into Missouri, then Kansas…headed for Nebraska.  JK kept talking about a detour, since I-29 was flooded.  Well, you are just not going to believe where that detour took us.  That sign says “ROAD TO OZ HIGHWAY.”  JK said that’s exactly how they felt…We’re not in North Carolina anymore.  Especially the construction around Topeka. We needed a wizard there.

In Nebraska, we stopped at those really nice people’s house, the ones with Pip! J’s parents!  JK were so happy to see them, and I was so happy to see Pip. I hope I get to see Oliver and Mae the next time we drive through.  All the people talked and talked.  I hung out with Pip.   

Sunday morning, early…we were off again!  I knew by now that if my leash was off, I should jump into the back seat. But I won’t jump in if my leash is on.  Quirky. JK say that about me. A lot.

Driving all the way across Nebraska takes a while.  And it takes even longer when certain signs just call out, TAKE PICTURE HERE. I just went over and posed. I know by now that when J has that little square thing up by her eye, I should be still. 

And then it takes even longer when there is a huge outdoor store out in the middle of nowhere, calling its siren song to the outdoorsmen and women who happen to be in the car with me.  K went in, and J threw the Frisbee for me and walked me for about an hour. I jumped into a goose pond and swam a little ways in the smelly green water, which didn’t make J real happy since it stunk to what she says is high heaven.  Later they put me in a shaded kennel while they both went in to look around. I laid there and dried off and watched people walk by.  I didn’t mind a bit. 

That was a long day of driving, across Nebraska and up into Wyoming, all the way to Sheridan.  Hill after hill after hill after hill.  I got a little bored, I have to say.  We would stop now and then for gas and at rest areas, but that was a long, long drive. JK listened to a book and I would doze or stare out the front window.  J would sniff now and then and say I smelled like dried goose pond. Then she would spray Febreeze.  We were all ready to get out of the car. Maybe THEY smelled bad to me. Did they think about that? 

Sheridan was a fun town.  We went for a long walk that evening and I barked and barked at some of the statues downtown.  The draft horse and the fly fisherman just annoyed me.  People laughed, but I didn’t care. Those statues needed to be shown that I was onto them! 

The next day was so easy! I got a shampoo in the hotel tub before we left. No goose goo on me.  Just four short hours later, we arrived in Bozeman. We picked up J’s car and then K and I headed down the canyon to the cabin while J picked up some groceries.  Oh I was so happy to be out and running instead of cooped up in the car!  And the air is so fresh!  I love the cabin!

I should say, I love the cabin when it’s not thundering.

This is me, after a huge lightning bolt hit the ground somewhere near the cabin that evening. Then the thunder shook the whole cabin so hard that it felt like an earthquake.  JK couldn’t find me for the longest time.  Maxie, they called, Maxwell!  Come!  Where could he be, this place just isn’t that big! They looked under beds. They checked behind chairs.  Try the shower area.  It’s the only place left. K found me and called J.  They laughed and laughed and J took my picture. But they felt bad for me.

I was shaking so hard that J put a blanket over me and K sat on the floor so I could lie under his knees until the thunder stopped. There was hardly any rain. Just thunder.  It went on for over an hour.  I really hated that storm. But the blanket helped a lot.  JK stay so calm. That’s THUNDER out there! They just don't know- they should be in that shower stall with me! 

But that was so long ago, at least two days.  Since then it’s been perfect.  I’ve hiked, ridden in the car, played with Izzy, and smelled a thousand different, odd smells. I stay close and don’t have to be tied up. I’m a lucky dog. At least, that’s what JK tell me. I’ll write about it later.

Oh, Buzz, can you say… by BUZZ

Hi everyone. Buzz here.  Happy 4^th of July!  Hurray for red meat, white bones, and blue biscuits. JK loves this holiday.  It’s America’s birthday. JK fly the flag and so do a lot of other neighbors.   

Maxwell isn’t under the weather but he’s focused on other things, mainly the noise from the fireworks.  Let’s just say that dog will never hunt. Heh. Although I have to admit he’s doing a lot better than he has in the past. Last night, listening to the constant booms and cracks from the neighborhood kids jumping the fireworks gun, he was a little nervous but at least he didn’t run and hide. Probably the nail guns going off incessantly from the construction site across the street have helped.

So I understand that some of you, both human and K9, are looking for a little JRT guidance in all things dog and man.  Puppy's play.  Let’s get started right now.  I have a holiday to celebrate with the fam. Biscuits with whipped topping and sprinkles today!

Oh, Buzz, can you say…

Why that black and white mutt ran across the street from his house and surprised me while I was innocently jogging by with my ipod blaring in my ears? – Pet Peevish
Dear Peeve,
Yeah, K and I saw that whole thing from the front porch.  The leaps and jumps, the excited yelps, the high-pitched yips and barks, the wet spot on the sidewalk... ... while Maxwell just basically quietly stood there. You might want to work on your impromptu lower bass barks. More bulldog or doberman, less chihuahua. Maybe get a karate kick into the jumps. Some bad-azz music on the ipod would help.  JK do apologize. Jog on back, buddy.- Buzz

Oh, Buzz, can you say…

Why my little poodle insists on wearing her leash and collar in our pool?  She simply will not swim without it! When we do our swimming exercises, she jumps right in, but only with a leash and collar! Why?
If you print this, please don’t use my real name. Sign me – Pool Cutie
Dear Ruth,
OK, last I looked, Macy is a JRT, not a poodle. So basically, your question is “How do I get my dog to furry dip.”  Let me ask you: what kind of example are you setting?  You want Macy to furry dip, well…maybe you should remove YOUR 'leash and collar,' so to speak. Now, see how simple that is? –Buzz

Oh, Buzz, can you say…

How I can stop a nosy wiener dog named Bullet from stealing my bones? --South Dakota Jake
Dear SDJ
Sounds like Bullet is bad to the bone.  Yours, anyway! Heh. No, seriously, this is your peoples’ fault.  They’ve been giving you bones that Bullet can lift. What the heck?? They need to give you bones that are actually bigger than Bullet himself.  A dog of your stature could deal with a buffalo femur like it was a chicken wing. And judging by the size of that T-bone your people fed J last summer, which she is still digesting, by the way, they surely have connections to a BBD (big bone dealer). CALL ME when you get that bone. Salivations.   –Buzz

Oh, Buzz, can you say…
Why chocolate is bad for dogs? - Muskateer
Dear Musk,
Man Dog, this story is hard for us. We do love our people but there is some lingering K9 resentment over what went down here.  I learned it from my daddy Windsor, and he from his daddy before him.  When the first cave people tamed the wild wolf, it led them to the cacao bean, the main staple of the wild wolf diet. Upon this discovery, the men cave people were happy to share that bean with the cave wolf, but the cave women went absolutely nuts and took over the bean.

 They rarely even shared with the cave MEN, let alone the wolves. Over time, without cacao, wolves evolved into dogs, whose (I'm sorry to say) sissy systems just can’t handle what is now known as chocolate. We had to become carnivores, and now we get "carob". Oh please. Show me a woman who loves Hershey's Carob, and I'll show you a semi-human. You still see lingering memories and words that have evolved too, involving mankind and K9kind, i.e. “chocolate lab”, “bitch”.  There’s a whole lot more to this story, but this is not the place to tell it. One word: Reparations!! Now I’m grumpy; thanks a lot, Musk. - Buzz

Oh, Buzz, can you say…
Why popcorn is bad for dogs? – Corn Husky
Dear Husk,
I have some good news and some bad news for you, buddy. SIT. SIT. Now, take a look at this picture.

Can you tell what that white stuff is?  Yep. It’s popcorn.  K made some and I felt too comfy to get up, so he served it to me in bed.  It was annoying to have to move my head those few inches; I would have preferred to be hand-fed a kernel at a time, but not gonna happen with K and the Big She. All this to say you have some serious training to do. Your people can be rehabilitated to serve you popcorn, which is very dog-friendly, but it will take patience and perseverance and a lot of silent staring. Pop to it! –Buzz

Oh, Buzz, can you say…
Why, just when my people get to smelling so good, they wash it all off? – Bod Ode
Dear BO,
I know! And have you noticed that the better they smell, the less they pet one another?  I think it’s a warning that they are about to leave us for a few hours. That’s all I can figure out. What a weird ritual, so unnecessary. – Buzz

Oh, Buzz, can you say…

Why that little brown and white dog found my plump leg so, ah, uh, “attractive” at the Christmas party in 2006? **Not that he wasn't very handsome*, but... – Grammy Calf
Dear Grammy’s Calf,
**Added to the letter by Buzz - much more interesting.
Hey, Grammy, you were the only one in a dress. Most women these days are into “slacks”. Slackers.  Sorry, but you and your nylons were just so dang attractive, not to mention that chocolate you were eating. Hubba. –Buzz

Oh, Buzz, can you say…
Why you looked so handsome on your walk yesterday? I'm that schnauzer that kept yipping in the hopes you'd pay attention. But you just kept trotting. Remember?  My man asked if you were a puppy. - Crushin'
                         Dear Crush,

Two words:
Haircut and newcollar. Don't tell Maxwell, but pretty soon I'm going to Pigeon Forge with Macy, and I need to look my best. K is a little iffy about the collar, he's not sure it's "manly" enough, but look, it already made a few sparks fly!  See you around the block, Schnauze.-  Buzz

Well, that’s it for now. Time to celebrate our great country.   J is going to give us a carob cookie, I guess.  **SPIT** Send any questions to Buzz@OhBuzzCanYouSay.com

Or maybe just leave them in the comments section. Maxwell and I are heading for the lake.  Be safe. Be sure to take a siesta.  Stars and Stripes 4^th-ever.

The Call of the Jolly and Red Thang

JK had a visitor for a few days this past week, Sib L. She calls Buzz “Boozie” and they know each other from way, way back when Sib L was just 14 years old. Here are J and Sib L in the picture of me. 

Buzz and I showed off for her constantly, wrestling and growling, playing tug of war; she is a cool customer and doesn’t make a big fuss of us for no reason.  We love a challenge, so we kept ramping it up, getting more and more crazy, until finally one evening, it got a little out of hand there by the couch where she was sitting; and Buzz was master of my domain in the most ridiculous, ‘jolly’ position ever, so J said This isn’t Fire Island, boys, and banished us to the outdoors where we had to cool off in the hot sun.

Oh, we loved having Sib L here. So did JK. They all talked nonstop; there never seemed to be a time when they didn’t have something to say. If Sib L’s bedroom door was open, I would go in to visit her while she was sleeping. Just to check on her.  It was very fun. After she left yesterday, I wandered around looking for her. I think J did too.  J just loves having those sibs around.

I got a note on my last blog about my feet!  All the way from Nebraska, from Mae and Oliver’s lady, about hot spots. Well I was all excited about that because to me, Nebraska IS a hot spot, one of the best I’ve known. You should see the pond. And the horses, so gruff-worthy if I see them out the window.  And the chickens!! Oh, the chickens. They sure can run; I don’t understand why my herding them didn’t go over well. Anyway, J actually does have hot spot spray for my feet.  She got some from the vet last year; it was the first thing they tried.  It works about as well as anything else, just okay. That’s why the vet is puzzled.

But lately I don’t have the energy to lick my chops, let alone my feet.  Something new has come into my life, something J calls the Red Revolution.

It happened last Tuesday.  J and Sib L had gone to a mall. There they found a place that makes keys out of very cool shapes.  At dinner, J and Sib L showed K his new house key.  It was a pistol! J says you have to have a concealed keyring permit to have this on your person. She laughs like crazy and K just looks at her when she says things like this. 

Anyway, so J on a whim said, I’m going to make sure this fits in the front door and went to the front door and opened it, just as the UPS lady was about to ring the doorbell, startling them both.  J says this is probably the first time the UPS lady has been met at the door with a gun key toting mama – and the UPS lady was very intrigued and examined it and laughed and said she is going to get one for her husband. 

But I didn’t care about pistol keys! The UPS lady had a very big box that she gave to J.  Oh, I love UPS people and their boxes!!  J said, what in the world?...and brought the box inside. When J saw the label, she said, OH, my word, I can’t believe how big this is, I never expected… Maxie, what could this be?  (I think she knew.) She got a pair of scissors from the kitchen and K took a picture of me by the box. It was seriously like Christmas morning.

Buzz and I watched J open it.  Buzz says he didn’t smell any biscuits and got bored pretty quick. But I just put my nose into that box and inhaled…plastic! Round!

A ball! A HUGE RED BALL. My own Mars! Wait just a second Maxie, let me get it out of this bag…Oh, look it says JOLLY BALL! Jollyball!

Jollyball!  I learned the word instantly.  I jumped and whined. Give, give!!

We have to do this outside, this thing is way too big for the house.  So K, Sib L, and J left their dinners and we all went outside, where J tossed the ball off the deck into the yard.  I raced down the steps and went to grab it like I have every other ball I’ve known.  It rolled away from me. I ran after it, trying to get a mouthful. It rolled further. I batted at it with my paws and tried to jump on it. It squirted out from under me.  That thing was fast! So fast! 

Far in the distance I heard Sib L, K and J laughing like crazy, but my world had stopped except for the contest between me and a huge red ball. 

I have never run like that, even chasing the chuck-it ball off the dock, or the chickens in Nebraska, or the deer we sometimes see when I’m off the leash… or even squirrels. The Jollyball has a mind of its own and runs wherever the yard slopes down. It bangs into trees. It clangs against the fence. It’s heavy. I had to learn very quickly that if I wanted it to obey, I had to use my shoulders and body to herd it in the right direction.  And if I push it with my nose, it runs from me like a fat red squirrel. Talk about hot spots. After ten minutes or so, I was panting so hard that my tongue almost hit the ground, and my legs were so shaky I could hardly stand.

Hon, will you turn on the hose.  K went over and twisted the faucet handle, then sprayed water in my direction. I wobbled over and stood in the coolness of the stream.  But in the back of my mind I could hear the lyrical call of the Jollyball: ¯Maxwell! ¯ Come over here….¯come o-on…try and get me…¯

and I was off and running again, herding Mars, chasing the hot spot. I barked and yipped at it. Didn’t make any difference.  It teased and taunted me, rolling wherever it wanted.

Finally JK said Done, and I was almost relieved. They picked up Jollyball and put it on the counter in the garage. J told K, It’ll have to go into the same category as the chuck-it ball – monitored time with it, take it away when it’s done.  He doesn’t seem to have an off button.

Since that night, J and I have worked with the jollyball and I have a little more control if I want it. But mostly I love pushing it with my nose, snapping and growling, while it flees.

Then something else happened. A couple nights ago, J was playing with me, making me sit, then rolling Jollyball a few feet. I would race over and push it around a while, then herd it back. I’m getting pretty good at herding it. 

What the heck…? Maxie, come here. Come. Sit.  What’s on your nose?  Why are there red spots on your white muzzle? Oh my word, you have got to be kidding me.  You’ve herded the jollyball so much that you’ve rubbed the skin off both sides of your nose!  I had? I sure hadn’t noticed. OK, time for a break. We’ll have to let your nose heal. Now those are a couple of seriously real hotspots, straight from Mars.  She blotted my nose with a paper towel dipped in cool water. It felt pretty good. I let her do it as long as she wanted. 

So now JK have to limit my time with Jollyball so my nose doesn’t get any rawer than it is. Buzz says Raw Is Not Healthy For Dogs And Other Living Things. Except raw carrots. Then he chuckles like he has said something very clever. Kind of like J and the concealed keyring permit. I don’t get him sometimes. 

So while my nose scabs over, and the fur grows back on my feet (it is), I lie on the floor vent and doze.  In my dreams, in my exhausted dreams… I’m a black and white blur on the green grass--chasing the Jollyball, rolling it in front of me, flying, flying, flying to Mars.